Cue 1,200 Blog Posts Containing The Word "Crapitals"

Lord knows I've referred to my beloved local NHL team by a few nicknames in my lifetime, my favorite being the Washington "Crapitals" (or the "Craps" for short), but it was always in a good natured sort of sense during the team's rebuilding years. But, in a stunning and hilarious turn of events, the term has taken on a whole new (and quite literal) meaning. Over the weekend, a rogue stomach virus tore its way through the locker room, afflicting eight players on the team, hurting an already injury-depleted Capitals squad. The victims: Matt Pettinger, Steve Eminger and Brian Sutherby all of whom sat out Friday's game, as well as Mike Green, Brian Pothier, team captain Chris Clark and backup goaltender Brent Johnson. Note that that's three defensemen on a team with an already weak blue line. Symptoms included nausea and diarrhea. Ugh. I'm sure all of them appreciate the fact that we all have images of them running to the toilet. As someone who played hockey for ten years of my life, I know a thing or two about smelly locker rooms, but this must have taken things to a whole new level.

It's unconfirmed right now, but sources tell me that Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin were spotted Wednesday evening in a dark corner of Rosa Mexicana, giggling wickedly and high-fiving each other. This is no coincidence, but rather a stomach churning conspiracy: their confidence has clearly been boosted by their successful campaign to shut Alex Ovechkin out of the All-Star game, and now they're taking on an even more diabolical plot in their attempts to dominate the Eastern Conference.

Let's just hope that this was only a 24-hour type of thing. The team's in the middle of a horrible losing streak, dropping below .500 for the first time in several weeks after yesterday afternoon's loss to the Phoenix Coyotes, and with four players on IR, including Richard Zednick, the fewer players that need to be called up from Hershey, the better.