Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Lindsey Buckingham Does Not Qualify

My Wolf Blitzer sighting in the Mens' bathroom at the Verizon Center last night prompted Rocky to point out that the CNN newsman's parents must have been rather concerned with the masculinity of their son, opting to choose for him what is perhaps one of the more manly names in recent history.

Naturally, this lead us to that age-old debate: what would/should one name their cat in an effort to offset the somewhat wimpy implications of owning a less-than-masculine pet. My vote was for "Buzz Swordkill," while Rocky submitted "Butch Thorhammer" as his manliest of names. In high school, I owned a goldfish named "Uncle Jesse" but karma was watching, and the fish died about a week later. He may or may not have shared the tank with another fish named "Dr. Sex" which could have had something to do with his untimely demise. I'm not pointing fingers. Regardless, I don't want to tempt fate, so it's off the ballot. It should surprise nobody at this point to learn that my dentist, who (or is it whom?) I'm visiting first thing in the morning, was selected by me last year solely because of his name: Dr. Bruce Steele. I have to drive all the way across town to get to his office, but I think it's absolutely worth the trek to have the alter-ego of a super hero working on my teeth.

The writers at Reno 911 have already put forward one of my all-time favorites in "Steed Lankershim," boyfriend/one-time fiancé of Deputy Clemmie Johnson, as have the geniuses at The Simpsons, renaming Homer "Max Power" for one episode.

Presently, I'm struggling to decide which is the manlier name in the category of pop music: Rolf Magnus Joakim Larsson or Joey Tempest. Oddly enough, Rolf and Joey are the same person (lead singer for Europe). In the world of television, Larry David's "Sometimes Credited As" pseudonym, Buck Dancer, is pretty ridiculous itself, but ridiculous usually doesn't equal manly.

So readers, all three of you, if left to your own devises, what would you name your manly house cat?

(or dog?)

(or goldfish?)

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