Friday, February 23, 2007

American Idol: Season WMATA


Okay. We won't count this as a Weekend Awesomeness. Instead, we'll count this as a public service announcement. Next time you ride the Metro, keep your eyes peeled for the next BIG THING. A huge thank you to whomever shot this.

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Weekend Awesomeness: Politically Correct Edition

It's Friday, so you know what that means.

No, not endless web searching and obscene levels of procrastination...

Well actually, yes. That is usually what happens on Fridays at the Styched offices. But sometimes we have something to show for our lack of productivity. We typically like to call it "Weekend Awesomeness" (i.e. lazily inserting a YouTube clip that makes at least 1/2 of the Styched partnership giggle incessantly at his desk for the rest of the day).

This week saw the passage of one of college sports' greatest (?) traditions: the retirement of University of Illinois "mascot" Chief Illiniwek. Christ. If a drunk, middle-class white guy can't throw on some animal hides, paint his face, and hop around in front of a crowd of equally drunk, equally middle-class, and equally white sports fans, well then, my friends, the terrorists have already won.

So, in honor of Chief Illiniwek and all Illini fans out there, we dedicate this edition of Weekend Awesomeness to you. Let me take you back to a time of innocence, long before 9/11, a time before the commie pinko PC police took over America, a time before we'd surrendered our consumer-centric lives to al-Qaeda, a time where a terrifically mustachioed Dane could watch a few spaghetti westerns, discern hundreds of years of an entire indigenous culture's lifestyle, and then set that routine to a wonderfully danceable disco beat.

Who knew Tommy Seebach was such an avid amateur anthropologist? And who knew I was so good at alliteration?

Nobody. That's who.

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Lindsey Buckingham Does Not Qualify

My Wolf Blitzer sighting in the Mens' bathroom at the Verizon Center last night prompted Rocky to point out that the CNN newsman's parents must have been rather concerned with the masculinity of their son, opting to choose for him what is perhaps one of the more manly names in recent history.

Naturally, this lead us to that age-old debate: what would/should one name their cat in an effort to offset the somewhat wimpy implications of owning a less-than-masculine pet. My vote was for "Buzz Swordkill," while Rocky submitted "Butch Thorhammer" as his manliest of names. In high school, I owned a goldfish named "Uncle Jesse" but karma was watching, and the fish died about a week later. He may or may not have shared the tank with another fish named "Dr. Sex" which could have had something to do with his untimely demise. I'm not pointing fingers. Regardless, I don't want to tempt fate, so it's off the ballot. It should surprise nobody at this point to learn that my dentist, who (or is it whom?) I'm visiting first thing in the morning, was selected by me last year solely because of his name: Dr. Bruce Steele. I have to drive all the way across town to get to his office, but I think it's absolutely worth the trek to have the alter-ego of a super hero working on my teeth.

The writers at Reno 911 have already put forward one of my all-time favorites in "Steed Lankershim," boyfriend/one-time fiancé of Deputy Clemmie Johnson, as have the geniuses at The Simpsons, renaming Homer "Max Power" for one episode.

Presently, I'm struggling to decide which is the manlier name in the category of pop music: Rolf Magnus Joakim Larsson or Joey Tempest. Oddly enough, Rolf and Joey are the same person (lead singer for Europe). In the world of television, Larry David's "Sometimes Credited As" pseudonym, Buck Dancer, is pretty ridiculous itself, but ridiculous usually doesn't equal manly.

So readers, all three of you, if left to your own devises, what would you name your manly house cat?

(or dog?)

(or goldfish?)

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Monday, February 19, 2007

Born into Valley Girl

If you haven't seen THE CAGE's first major picture (not Fast Times), you should rent it immediately so that you can see the full circle of THE CAGE's acting career: from Valley Girl to this to this, and wow am I excited about that last one.

Sick Mullet CAGE. Sick

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Ghost Rider does Japan


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Thursday, February 15, 2007

Weekend Awesomeness: Presidents' Day Edition

In honor of America and all of its leaders, past, present and future, this week's edition of Weekend Awesomeness is a very special one. When Terrence Gene Bollea was growing up in Augusta, Georgia, spandex, odd facial hair, and a patriotic Stratocaster were the only tools to success. Let's just be thankful the Hulkster had the foresight to put these together.

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Saturday, February 10, 2007

Nicolas Cage DOMINATES

If you weren't excited to see Ghost Rider on its opening weekend, then check out these select scenes from The Wicker Man. Viacom, get out of YouTube's way, because this is pure advertising: we here at Styched had to rent the full film immediately after viewing this, and let me assure you, we were not disappointed. Nick Cage was clearly overlooked this Oscar season because he completely redefined the crime comedy genre by knocking out everything Peter Sellers had ever done for it.

Does anyone know where to get a good bear suit?

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